40% of insane asylums have habitual listeners to Pink Fong

As I took a tour of the West Haven Asylum for Mental Crisis, I could hear a thirty-something man in his room sobbing while these haunting words came out of his mouth.

"Baby Shark...do...do...do. Baby Shark...do...do...do."

I asked the care attendant what the man was singing about. He shook his head. "Jeff Archer, a nothing poor soul that logged over 500 hours of Pink Fong's candy coated kid garbage. We get two of him a week."

As I watched, Jeff, started to motion with his hands the shape of a grandmother shark's teeth. Tears streamed down his cheek.

"It's not just the insipid shark songs either," the attendant explained, "there are songs about baby trucks, dinosaurs, lions, vampires, and rainbows. It is a never ending landfill of audio diabetes."

Pink Fong is a mega million dollar kid's company responsible for taking a song sung by the Boy Scouts and repeatedly shoving it down the throats of every child with ears. Thousands of fed up parents have regressed into neurotic puddles of insanity, leading the local asylums to fill up. The demand for a safe place to be free from Pink Fong's colorful fruit salad of cancerous tones has increased ten-fold.